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Heaven and Hell Scientists: Unearthly Weather Woes and Devilish Ark Plans

In a daring attempt to explore the great beyond, an intrepid group of scientists have embarked on a virtual journey to Heaven and Hell. Using cutting-edge simulation technology, these pioneers of the afterlife risk their eternal souls to gather valuable information on the celestial realms.

In recent findings, morally ambiguous scientist Dr. Hasus Kriste has discovered that Hell is set to experience extreme weather, ending its longstanding drought. Torrential downpours and apocalyptic storms will sweep through the infernal realm, bringing the potential for new life to the barren hellscape. However, these storms also carry a dark omen - devastating floods that threaten to submerge Hell's fiery pits and demonic denizens.

To combat the impending deluge, Satan himself has devised a diabolical plan. He intends to construct a massive ark made from the bones of the wicked, a vessel strong enough to withstand the relentless waves and tides. The ark will feature none other than Hitler as the mast, and various notorious criminals will be repurposed as morbid decorations.

As Hell braces for the impending flood, Satan may be forced to seek refuge in the realm of the living, potentially unleashing chaos and destruction upon humanity. This potential invasion of malevolent forces has left many praying for divine intervention.

The findings have prompted fervent appeals for assistance from the Almighty, as people everywhere plead: "God help us. No, really. Help us."


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